How can I be confident wearing Japanese fashion or other alternative, non-mainstream fashion? Here’s a tip from someone wearing weird fashion for years… you don’t! If you aren’t confident at first, you won’t magically become confident when you put those clothes on, and for some people, you may never be confident wearing alt fashion no matter how many decades pass wearing unusual clothing. But here is the secret, you don’t have to be confident. The clothes have to be confident. That’s how shy introverted people can wear alt fashion and never have to “change” anything about their personality.
How does this work? Are the clothes possessed with the ghost of a prima donna or movie star? Are they animated with spirits or consciousness? Are clothes perhaps magical? No, that’s silly, nothing supernatural is involved. But when you choose the right outfit for your tastes and your body’s comfort, you now have reached an agreement or synergy between your outward appearance and your inner happiness that overpowers any shyness or anxiety that comes with looking out of place or flashy. The shyness is still there, and it may never go away. But now you are not alone, because cool and awesome clothes are on your body like armor.
However, most nervous people, on account of them being nervous, don’t know or understand their personal preferences enough to find out about this, because they are so worried about what others think about them and keep second-guessing themselves or changing their minds at the slightest side-glance from a stranger. Here are some tips I’ve collected to help understand yourself and overcome fears, from my own experience as a shy person living in a conservative area, and from other fashionable people’s advice in the past. (instagram: mochihanfu, instagram: dearprincessjess, instagram: cursedkaiser, instagram: petit_piaf, among many others)
1. Life is short, so wear the clothes you like and make you happy. If you constantly remember your heart will beat a limited and finite number of times in this lifetime, then you will be much more motivated in your quest to find styles and outfits that suit you in every way. Try to wear one nice outfit a month that makes your heart beat fast in an excited way, so that if you die of a heart attack the next day, at least some of those heartbeats were spent in joy, think of it like that.
2. The clothes bring the confidence. Once you find a great outfit that makes you feel good, your posture will improve, your smile is genuine, you feel happy to eat and drink instead of agitated or pained, your body temperature is regulated, there is no physical discomfort or at least none you can’t push through. It’s more than just choosing a style that looks good on a mannequin or model, it also has to look good on you, of course, so there is some initial work and research, but the payoff mentally and physically is worth it if you are even considering starting at all.
3. Be patient and willing to make mistakes on your fashion journey. Don’t be fooled by artful and edited photos online or in magazines, almost no one starts off as a pro, and if they claim that they did, well, they had professional helpers or started studying as a child. But try to learn from mistakes also. Delete those early outfit photos off social media if you must, but look back on them and try to improve them with new knowledge. There was something in that outfit that drew you to wearing it, so find that special attribute, a color or pattern or texture or silhouette, and use it in new outfits. If you buy something that doesn’t suit you after attempts to make it work, it’s not the end of the world, pass it on to a friend or someone in the community who will love it. You will have to spend time or money, but you can make this long gradual process a fun and enlightening journey, too. Style and fashion is not vitally important to survival – remember this is a completely optional side quest, but maybe it’s this mission’s reward that helps you on your main quest, so don’t discount it either.
4. Wearing unique clothes outside of the house (not on Halloween) can be nerve-wracking, so try going out with a loved one or best friend or friend group for something casual you all like or an event you could conceivably wear something nice to, like a festival or an opera. You will still get comments, but you will be talking with your favorite people and can ignore it much easier, if you even hear it. I usually don’t hear any comments, but maybe I’m old and deaf. Hopefully your friends are stylish and can help you on various matters, don’t depend on that, though, just as long as you remember to hype each other up. A simple and honest acknowledgement – “Looking cute/cool”, “I love your hair today” – means the world.
5. Most people aren’t noticing your outfit, most people are too busy or reserved to talk to you even if they did notice, and those people who will comment are usually positive, or they will always be negative no matter what you wear so you can ignore anything they say. The majority of people who comment on my clothes are other women my age, older women, and children and the experience was 98% positive, and I live in a super judgemental area where everybody wears jeans and t-shirts or pajamas. The rude drive-by/walk-by comments are usually from people who seem like they’d harass people of color in any outfit, so it’s easy to disregard and not interact with them because they’re obviously close-minded, and probably racist and homophobic, too. Their completely wrong opinions are not worth worrying about. Wear clothes you like, clothes a grandma would admire for its construction, or make a child think you’re a princess, or bring a smile to a tired customer service worker’s face.
6. If you’re still too shy (or lazy) after all of that advice and don’t want even the slightest human interaction, I hear you. This tip is for you lazy introverts. Wear one nice thing a day, no matter how small or invisible. The best quality undergarments ever, fun socks from your favorite movie franchise, sentimental family jewelry, a handmade accessory from that hobby you picked up during the pandemic, your coolest t-shirt hidden under a plain sweater, etc. Instead of worrying about others noticing you, you can walk in confidence that no one will comment on unless they’re right up in your personal space, in which case it’s a friend or family member you already like, or I guess a doctor, or maybe an arresting police officer, but the result is, you are 20% cooler than before with just minimal effort. You can keep it like this for the rest of your life, or you can increase to 2 cool items a day, or wear a new hairstyle or makeup as well, up until your entire appearance is cool, whatever your vibe is, there is no wrong answer. The important thing is to listen carefully to yourself when venturing into a new fashion style – your body’s tells, your emotional status, the state of your bank account, etc.
I hope this essay helps someone out there who wishes to try out Japanese street fashion or other alternative fashion but is nervous or shy. It goes without saying you should be considerate of basic societal mores and decency laws and not wear anything offensive that would get you in trouble. There will always be the subject of culture appreciation versus appropriation for some Japanese street fashion styles, but I’m assuming if you’re a beginner just dabbling, you’re not going to start by wearing the riskiest, wildest clothing anyway, you’d be going for the cheaper and plain and inoffensive stuff first. Use common sense, and that will get you far, but be self-aware and forgiving to yourself on bad days or stressful weeks. This is your body, you will only get one in your lifetime, treat it as well as you can with what you have on hand and that means clothes as well! Along with you know, diet and exercise and getting checkups, way less fun.